Waffles vs. Spaghetti: For the Guys

Dear Guys,

First of all, if you don’t plan on reading this entire post read this —>  waffles are much different from spaghetti. In fact, I think the only characteristic the two foods share is the insane amount of carbs.

If you remember this concept, I predict that any sort of relationship with any woman you have in your life will improve drastically. Maybe all it means is that you understand your mom better. Or your friend. Or your sister. Or any individual belonging to the female species. You do not need a survival guide. Or a book.  Or a list of rules. Spaghetti must become your new favorite food. Second only to the Bread of Life. (Cheesy pun intended).

If you failed to notice, girls are really good at not giving away anything. You could be talking to her about one thought  while she’s thinking through a million–at the exact same time. This is called multi-thinking.  To play it safe, assume that if you haven’t thought it, she’s thinking it.

Let’s create a scenario to work with. You’ve just met this girl? You start the small talk etc. Now imagine this, she’s already thinking about whether you’ll be simply friends, or if there are deeper intentions. She’s thinking of the possibility of a first date. Here’s a glimpse at the female brain:

“Does he like me?” “Is he going to ask me out?” If so, “when?” “Where will he take me?” “What will I wear?” “How tall is he?” “Can I wear heels?” “Has he dated another girl? If so, “who?”Is he still dating her?” If not, “why?” “Does he have certain standards, boundaries, and expectations?” “What is he passionate about?”

The list goes on and on and on and on and on.

She’s thinking of every detail. 

NOW, that was an example of multi-thinking. I hope I didn’t scare you. I’m only being realistic. Another thing,  this IS NOT to say all a girl ever thinks about is her future wardrobe and dates.  This is not true at all. If I asked these exact questions with every guy I met I’d be in an even more complex state of mind.

She needs your help, but she forgets to ask. Multi-thinking is a habit that is constantly occurring. It occurs in the subconscious and conscious. It’s exhausting. If you would be a gentleman and  lay out your intentions-whatever they may be- right away, she will be eternally grateful. She’ll only have to think and inquire about what you haven’t brought up. Her brain will be less likely to explode.  Girlfriends have trouble assisting their girlfriends think about one thing at a time. It’s nearly impossible.

If you’re still with me, AWESOME.

As my friend McKenzie would say, “Does that make you feel…good about everything?”

Since you have the enviable ability to think things through slowly and thoroughly, and even one thought at a time, let this marinate your thought process for the next 24 hours. 

P.S. I’m writing a post just for the girls too. What do they need to know about guys? How are waffles distinct?

-Kayla

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Writing Is Hard

Writing is hard.

Every writer has this defining point in their writing journey where they ask themselves the questions:

 “Why am I writing?” “Is it all worth it?” “Who should I write for?” “Should I write for high stats, or what’s on my heart?”

I’ve been blogging for a year. I haven’t even reached 2,000 views. I’m pretty sure I get the most views when my mom shares my posts on her Facebook page. My fan-base is limited. (I’m not sure it even qualifies as a fan-base). I’ve signed up for about every suggested social media site one could think of. And, consequently, I haven’t seen much change in my stats.

I continue writing. If I don’t write, I feel as if part of me is missing. Still, it’d be nice for a complete stranger who is more successful than I have been to recognize my work. There is no denying that wishful thinking.

I hate sounding cliche, but no great thing comes easily. Good things come with hours, weeks, even years of hard work.  That’s what I missed when I first began my journey. I missed the tears, the calloused fingers, the rejections, the failed attempts. The ceremonious burning of drafts. The promise to get up, leave, and never write another word. Those are defining moments in any artist’s life. The rise to fame hardly compares to the time spent laboring to arrive at that point.

So if it’s not easy, why do it? I’ll tell you why. Because that one person who is impacted by your writing, makes up for the lack of viewers, the low stats, the rejection letters.

One of my Twitter followers responded to my post stepping away for awhile with these words: “You shine.” Folks, that’s why I keep writing.

If you write for numbers, there’s good chance you might not write anything great at all.

Keep at it.

-Kayla

The Church Is Not A Building

The church is not a building.

I’ve always loved this concept. The church is not a building, rather, it’s a community of Christ followers. However, I came to the realization yesterday that the only place I’ve ever heard this concept discussed, is at church. The building. The sanctuary. In the pew. The irony of that fact hit me hard.

I was at college.

I attend a public community college. I wasn’t in chapel or in a theology class.

God moves everywhere. The bible study at my school, Ignite Fellowship, meets multiple times during the week. I haven’t been able to attend often because of a wacky schedule.

By God’s grace I was able to attend yesterday. It was beautiful. We met in a study room. Put our bibles on the conference tables in front of us.We sang a few worship songs and after that, we shared communion. We borrowed a small table and set it up in front of the small room and covered it with a table-cloth. A plate and goblet were set out.

In that moment, I had a revelation. When Jesus communed with his disciples as they were partaking in the Last Supper, they weren’t in a church building. No ordained pastor officiated it. I doubt anyone was dressed in their church clothes.

The last supper wasn’t pretty. I imagine the filthy dirt floors and Jesus and his devoted followers sitting around. I’m sure they were weary from going everywhere on foot. A steak dinner surely would have been accepted without a word. Nonetheless all that sat before them was a loaf of bread and some cheap wine. These twelve men had been everywhere with Jesus. And yet their going away party was anything from glamorous. In fact, right off the bat, Jesus puts forth a disclaimer: “one of you is going to betray me.” (John 13:21).

Their meeting was somber. Tears were shed. I’m sure some felt a sense of abandonment and definitely confusion.

“While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying “Take and eat; this is my body.” Then he took a cup and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”

Matthew 26:26-28

Why do we create limitations? The church was a body of believers long before it was a building. Jesus is the head of the church, not a building. If we forget the people part,we forget Jesus’s heart. He loved people.

I find it hard to see how the true gospel will effectively be shared if we (if I) don’t live the gospel.

If we try harder to envision Jesus’s last supper, maybe then we will fully understand how important it is.

Watch out, the church is leaving the building.

-Kayla

5 Apps Worth Using

After much deliberation and resentment, I’ve “joined the I-Phone family.” My plan was to be that cool hipster person with some sort of Android. It appears I’m too mainstream. Anyhow, I thought I’d share my thoughts on  some neat apps I discovered

1. Happier. It’s like Facebook except, well happier. It’s less of a social media site and more a way to share “happy moments.”

2. Werdsmith is AWESOME.  It’s keeps track of your word count, you can share what you write, set goals for writing projects, etc. AND their logo is a mustache, so if you’re into facial hair, Werdsmith is clearly for you.

3.Dictionary.com. This one is for all of my fellow nerds out there. I mean, it’s not only a dictionary, but a thesaurus as well. Did I mention it works offline?

4.OK DO THIS. Maybe I had high expectations, but I found Instagram a little anticlimactic. I mean, that’s what you do when you get an I-Phone, am I right? It’s possible it’s only a cooler experience for those who are InstaFamous-if you know what I mean. Anyways, if you enjoy Instagram (or if you don’t) OK DO THIS will blow your socks off. If you currently feel as though you are contributing to a pool of already large #selfie and #food pictures, this app takes everything to the next level.

5. Flipboard. Because everything that you used to read in the paper is now online. Why not create a personal, organized platform where you can read articles from papers, magazines, blogs, and social media sites? Like most apps, it takes a little playing around with to really understand it’s purpose.

P.S. I’m looking for a new Bible app. The You Version is great, but it keeps bugging out on me. Suggestions?

I am on instagram, and you can check out my feed at the bottom of the page. My username is kaylanbonar. I’d still highly recommend that you check out OK DO THIS. 

Stepping Away (for awhile)

This year I decided to participate in the Catholic holiday that is Lent. I’ve always admired people who have fasted from something (or even multiple things) for such a long period of time. For me, forty days could easily feel similar to forty years.

I’m not catholic nor do I have anything against catholic and in the big picture none of this has anything to do with Catholicism anyways.

I adore creating excuses. So much that I create excuses for creating excuses. (This is a skill). That being said, making the decision to commit to fasting for 40 days was a big deal. If anything, this experience will hopefully teach me to be honest with myself.

I took a look at a list of the 25 most popular things people give up for Lent. It’s quite interesting. Many aren’t very unusual. Chocolate, sweets, that sort of thing.

I chose Facebook.

I could come up with a million reasons why, but I’ll try to whittle down the list. Here are two things I struggle with that are made worse by social media (specifically Facebook):

  • Jealousy
  • Comparison

These two often go hand-in-hand and often end in an attitude of doom and gloom.

Sometimes, starting your day off by skimming through engagement pictures and watching your friends one by one change their relationship status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ isn’t healthy. It just isn’t. Not because marriages are bad or relationships are bad, but because maybe it’s not what’s best for me right here in this moment.

When ‘everyone’ A.K.A those two or three people filling up your news feed seems to be doing something you aren’t it’s waay to easy to second guess my own actions. Starting off the day criticizing myself is probably not the best way to bring about a good ending.

If we’re friends on Facebook (and if we’re not), it should be clear that I’m not the type to limit my status updates to only grand spectacular events occurring in my life. Let’s be real. Everyday isn’t perfect, so why pretend that it is?

I’m not the perfect student. I’m a hard-working student, but not necessarily the one ringing in all 4.0’s. When the end of a quarter comes around, I tend to beat myself up over the fact that I, unlike ‘everyone’ else didn’t get as many 4.0’s as I should have.

As I said before, these are only two focuses. And the big picture isn’t Facebook. Or relationships. Or good grades. If you’ve been reading my posts, hopefully you’ll have noticed that their topics may vary, but I always attempt to pick out the life application. I don’t want you to read this a post, see that whatever is written is only applicable to me, and go on with your day. I desire more out of my writing than that.

Ultimately, by the end of these full forty days, I want to choose joy over jealousy and comparison. I want to rejoice in others when they are happy, not plaster on a fake smile. I do not believe the myth that if my friends Facebook timelines are perfect, so are their lives. For me, it’s an easy lie to believe.

Lent should be about giving something up to invite God in and fill what was before an empty space, temporarily gratified. Leave room for God.

Question to ponder: If God is the absolute best, why don’t we choose Him above all else every time? 

-Kayla

Thirsty

http://tap.unicefusa.org

Thirsty. 768 million people are thirsty. Oh, so thirsty.

The UNICEF Tap Project is trying to provide assistance to  those staggering numbers. All you need to do is put down your phone. It’s that easy. (Or is it?) For every ten minutes you don’t use or touch your phone, national sponsors partnering with UNICEF will give a day’s worth of clean water to one of those 768 million people.

This challenge was just too good not to share.

Some ideas for those of you who “must” use your phones during the day:

1. Do the challenge while you sleep. At some point in the day, your phone has to be put down.

2. Be strategic. Plan a block of time to answer your e-mails, update your FB status, post your Instagram pictures etc. You can start and stop, BUT, if you do, be sure jot down the number of hours/minutes you stopped at.

DO something with all the time you would’ve spent on your phone.

How long can you go?

-Kayla

P.S. I’m  currently at 2 hours.

One Year

Happy One Year Anniversary to Coffee Shop Talk!

1 year,

48 posts,

and 86 drafts later…

here we are!

Craziness.

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?

C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis voices my sentiments not just about my blog, but about life in general. It’s incredibly easy to get caught in the daily grind of life that I almost forget where I’ve started and how far we’ve come. I’ve  come a long ways in one short year. And no, I don’t mean in the past year I’ve become an expert blogger. But that was never really the whole point. I wanted to share my thoughts with the few people who wanted to listen. Not receive hundreds of views daily. (I wouldn’t complain if that happened).

Here’s to another year of more ideas, writing, more coffee dates, new people and new adventures. Another year of stepping out of my comfort zone and slowly but surely sharing my thoughts to close friends and complete strangers. Another year of risk-taking and introspection. Another 365 days to live and breathe and love and laugh and even cry. A toast to new risks and living for the moment without living in fear of what tomorrow will bring.

Thanks to YOU my readers, for motivating me and continually encouraging me to step out of  my comfort zone!

Talk to Me

I love conversations.

Contrary to popular belief, I have my moments where the I in my ISFJ-ness is imminent. But, this post isn’t about Meyers-Briggs test results. It’s about holding better conversations.

I kinda sorta really believe that social media is a horrible excuse for etiquette…just saying.

Talk to Me
Photography from CSUBlogs.com

Two signs of passivity:

1. Inserting “just saying” at the end of  a sentence. Sometimes, we  say things, but we don’t have the courage to be confident in what we say so somehow we think the phrase makes everything better.

2. Ellipses. I’m surprised at how many people don’t know this term so I suppose I should explain. And ellipses is three periods in a row. In a text have you ever had a lapse in the conversation where someone responds to something you’ve written says, well texts,something like this: “OK…..” or “Oh….” or “yeah…” and then the conversation just sort of ends there? And you feel kinda bad about yourself? Maybe it’s just me, but I kinda start to freak and out and typically assume I’ve said something to hurt his or her feelings? Either that or I feel frustrated because they are hinting that they have something to say but aren’t saying it.

3. “Don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful.” Still trying to figure this one out.

Not clarifying comes in the form of:

1. Awkward silences.

2. Not addressing the awkwardness.

3. Not signaling the end of a conversation, once again it’s easy to not do over social media, but it’s still courteous. Especially over Facebook and texting.

4. Not following up. I see this a lot in friendships and deeper relationships. This is different from not signaling the end. “How?” You ask? You completely end the conversation without discussing when you’re going to talk again. Or you end by saying something such as “we should hang out soon.” This in and of itself is not bad, but it’s important to act upon these words.

Talk to me! What are your thoughts on conversing? What are some issues you see that I didn’t touch on How do you think we could improve our conversations?

-Kayla

Living> Surviving Part 2: In This Moment

blimeycow
From Left: Jordan, Kelli (Josh’s wife), and Josh Taylor.

I recently had the privilege of interviewing Josh Taylor from YouTube’s one and only Blimey Cow.  I have been so excited for this post! Here were his thoughts on “Living>Surviving “:

Me: Josh, tell us a little bit about Blimey Cow’s history, for those who aren’t familiar with your popular YouTube channel.

Josh: Blimey Cow is a YouTube channel started by myself and my brother Jordan in 2005. We produce a new video every Monday and Friday.

Me: Have you ever met someone ( or multiple people) who you could relate too, but also look up to as a role model and be inspired by? Who is that person ( or group of people) and in what way did they inspire you?

Josh: My family inspires me. We are all best friends. I’ve really had only one other best friend that wasn’t a part of my family, so I married her. I am seriously so blessed with the family in which I was placed. I am inspired by how they love me, by how they relate to others, by how they relate to God- and how all of those things are somehow interconnected.

Me: In light of 1st Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” What are some little things young people could do in their everyday school and work lives that could potentially make a difference in their own lives and/or someone else’s?

Josh: There is an optimism and idealism that the youth have that is invariable lost as time goes by. I think a lot of times when Scripture makes these kinds of references to “youth,” this is the idea. So, I guess I would say… dream big, ask uncomfortable questions, and don’t let mistakes slow you down.

Me:  In your own personal life, what is the importance of making obtainable goals, as well as big ones? (As opposed to cliché bucket list items?)

Josh: In my experience, “big goals” I set for myself change by the time I’m in a position to fulfill them. I think there is a difference between dreams and goals. All of the things I’ve always dreamed of doing, I’m getting to do. But usually when I decide on a“goal for the year” or some such thing, my priorities change. I would say… do the best with what is in front of you. The only thing predictable about the future is that it will take care of itself.

Me: To you, what is the difference between living and just simply surviving?

Josh: I am reminded of the quote by Soren Kierkegaard: “To be loved, is to be helped by another person to love God.” To me, that is living.

On that note, check out Blimey Cow’s hilarious take on YOLO here:

 

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